A Sense of Belonging

As a hearing mother of a deaf child, i have always felt lost. I've always felt like i'm stuck, having no one to talk to, no one to ask, not knowing anyone who has been in the same shoes as i am. Any questions i have had always been directed to Afif's speech therapist, audiologists and Mr. Google. They have been so helpful but there's always this void, you know? i wanna know i'm not alone in this.

So i went on like that.

Until one fine Saturday morning, i attended a playgroup organized by Klinik Audiologi UKM. Though without my husband (who had to work), i learnt so much and finally met other parents and their deaf kids. We talked, had sharing session, and listened to a beneficial presentation by Dr. Basha while the kids are well taken care of by the facilitators.

Sadly, we rushed home as Afif has gotten cranky. i didn't get to swap numbers with any of the moms. Memang sedih la tak sempat tukar-tukar nombo phone dengan ibu-ibu yang lain.

Lucky for me, i bumped into Su while going for Afif's MRI follow up at HUKM. Su is Naurah's mother (a 2year-old hearing impaired girl) who i met during the playgroup. We talked for a while, swapped numbers and the next thing i know, i'm invited into this Telegram chat group.

*Telegram: application on the smartphone for chatting. (macam Whatsapp jugak)

Ya Allah. Bersyukur sangat di-invite dalam group ni. 

There are around 50 mothers (and the numbers are expanding) of hard of hearing children. Ada yang senior, contohnya Kak Ziba yang anaknya pakai HA, speaks well and masuk sekolah rendah biasa. Ada jugak mak-mak newbie macam aku and Su yang anak kecil lagi.. Ada yang pakai HA, CI and bone.. Ada yang dari KL, Kuantan, Kelantan, Sepang.. Setiap hari ade je topik diborak; children's development, cara terapi kat rumah, buku mana yang best, menu harian, etc.. When any of us has any questions, the others will try their best to answer. Even if sometimes i don't get a definite answer, i'm still so happy to know their experience.

Finally i don't feel like the only mother of a deaf child anymore. 

If any of you readers are a mother of a deaf child, contact me and in sha Allah, you'll be invited into this chat group too. You're not alone in this.

:)

New Friend

The past week has been a bit of emotional whirlwind for me.

Having blessed with a hearing impaired child, i'm never at ease. Most days are fine. Some days i'm in despair, panic attack, guilt.. i worry a lot. i have so many questions.

When will Afif talk?
What if Afif can't talk?
Will his future be okay?
Can he make friends?
Can he go to normal school?

More questions than i (or even his therapist) could answer.

The hardest thing is not having or knowing anyone else that have the same experience.

i missed Afif's last speech therapy because i had to present in a meeting. i never missed it and God did i feel guilty. Mr. Chenta took him for therapy and he is amazing but you know it's different when you are not there.

Because i'm such a control freak, i emailed his therapist. i can't rest not getting information first hand. Asking this and that. i hope she doesn't find me too bossy and nosey. My prayer has been answered when she gave me a contact number of a mom with a hearing impaired daughter.

It's just what i need.

Someone who was there, went through what i go through.
Someone who can share what she did. How she did it.
Someone who understands.

We got in touch recently. Alhamdulillah for this new friend.

She said it ain't easy.
She took time off work in the critical years.
She went for seminars/talks/classes. She sent the daughter (who was 2-4 years at that time) to music class, writing class, and various therapies.
She put of having another baby until the daughter is 6 years old.
But now, she said, it's worth it. The daughter is 7 years old and speaking and hearing well.

i'm so amazed at her effort.
i never thought of music class nor writing class for Afif (for God's sake, he's not even 2!)
i never went for talks/seminars/playgroup. Not because i don't want to, because i couldn't find one.
Though i wanted to go someplace else for therapy, i never made the move.

This new info is both a relief and a curse.
Because i feel like i'm not doing enough for my son.

Oh well.
What the use of dwelling.
Now that i know, i'll do a better job.

Must. Find. Music. Class. ASAP.
Must. Find. A. Talk/Seminar. ASAP.

Toddler Activity: Bathroom Painting

Ok so Afif loves the iPad. i came to realize that after two mornings of him getting up and out of bed and point the iPad at me. Now before you bash me, don't worry. It's not an addiction yet. Setakat ni tak pernah la lagi dia mengamuk tantrum kalo tak dapat. Phew phew..

But yaa.. Of course we have to plan stuff for him to vary his activities. Mainan banyak tapi kejap-kejap main dia bosan. Dia suka main air, aku layan la jugak kat toilet tapi susah sebab takot basah hearing aid dia. Main hide and seek pon layan. Dia layan gak crayon, pencil color and magic color tapi lelama dia ada idea conteng dinding plak (-____-) so i minimize his contact with those.

i got him this Crayola Washable Kids' Paint a few weeks ago. The first time we painted was one rainy day after he got up from his afternoon nap. Kononnya fun activity. Tapi time tu dia cranky, dia conteng sekali dua je pastu marah aku cat tapak tangan dia pastu we wrap up. So much for being artsy.

The supplies for painting activities.

 End product

Cranky kene paksa melukis

Then yesterday i had this bright idea of combining his favorite place, the toilet, and some art stuff. Maka terjadi lah bathroom painting!

Bangon pagi dan brekpes, i stripped him down. Ingatkan nak mandi la tuh. He got excited pon seeing the paint i laid on the stool in the bathroom. Then i started painting the house and tree, he followed suit. But of course, no house, tree or even stick figures from him yet. Conteng-conteng ikot suka je.

Muka puas hati main conteng-conteng

Our masterpiece.

He was so happy experimenting siap cover toilet bowl pon dia conteng. i think this activity is good to train our baby's motor skill and also to teach them colors. i even mix a few colors together to create a new color for example blue+yellow=green!

The best part is this Crayola Paint is totally washable. After our painting session, simbah air kat dinding tiles tu and gosok sikit-sikit pakai tangan je terus hilang color tu. No mess for lazy moms like me.

p/s: malam tu dia amek pencil color dan conteng dinding rumah while i was busy in the kitchen. Laki aku gelak je "siapa suruh ajar conteng toilet?" katanya. Haihhh..

18 Months

My baby is one year and a half already.

Hari Rabu haritu bawak dia gi 18 months doctor's appointment. Alhamdulillah berat dah 9.4kg (a bit on the low side), tinggi dah 78cm. Head circumference aku lupa brapa. Dr. Anthony kata semua ok and Afif ni friendly and social btol. Hehe. 

Pastu kene cucuk DPTa. Dia bagaikan dah tau nasib nak kene cucuk, takmo baring atas katil doktor. Cucuk smbil dukung je. Nasib baik nanges kejap. Pasni dokter kata takde kene cucuk dah smpai la masuk skolah nanti unless nak amek optional Hepatitis A jabs masa umur 2 tahun. 

Meh bebel pasal milestone:

Feeding

-dah kurang memilih. Apa aku bagi dia telan je. Yayyy!

-babysitter kasi makan 2 kali kat umah dia: pagi n petang. So malam aku akan kasi jugak makan

-kalo ada lauk baby-friendly kat umah like masak kicap or sup ayam/sayur/ikan, aku bg je lauk tu dgn nasik. Kalo tak, aku masakkan porridge/sup/pasta/mi goreng.

-his current favorite is fried carrot noodle with tomato n salmon. Laju dan licin. Wan pon suka. 

-since aku masuk kerja ni, aku still pam kat office. Tp ebm tak cukup jugak utk bekal kat umah babysitter. So campur ngan FM. At times dia mmg reject FM. Babysitter akan ganti ngan Ribena or susu kotak Dutch Lady coklat.

Development

-berjalan nak laju aje tapi clumsy. Kadang tu laju sangat smpai tak sempat brake/lose balance pastu jatuh. Aku stress btol kalo jatuh n kepala benjol. Tapi lantak la asalkan tak mudarat.

-loves to sing and dance. Paling dia nyanyi n joget is twinkle twinkle little star, wheels on the bus and theme song Timmy Time. Suka tengok dia joget kat Timmy Time theme song.

-dia ni makin friendly plak aku tengok. Kalo mood baik tu jalan kat mall semua orang di lambai nya siap kata "haiii.." Dia ingat dia Prince George ke ape. Pastu suka jugak salam random people magadddd! 

-thankfully, bila strangers mcm sales girl or waitress panggil or nak dukung, dia taknak, siap nanges. 

Activities and hobby

-dah kurang obsess ngan iPad, alhamdulillah

-dia suka build tower block, sepak-sepak bola, main air (pantang tengok pintu toilet bukak, laju je masuk. Aku takleh lalai kene make sure pintu toilet tutup at all time), menconteng (takleh kasi magic color dah sebab nampak dia nak conteng sofa and dinding aritu)..

-suka pusing and spinning sampai pening huyung-hayang

-current fave dia adalah main hide and seek ngan aku. Bukan nyorok betol pon. Nyorok blakang dinding/pintu/kerusi bajet orang tak nampak. Baahaha. Suka betol dia smpai malam pon gigih kami nyorok nyorok.

-his current fave shows are Timmy Time, Tayo the Bus, Mickey Mouse Club House and Tom & Jerry. Kalo ada cerita2 ni memang kusyuk la the first 5 minit depan tv. Pastu sibok la cari remote tukar channel.

Hearing & Speech

-Hmm.. sebenarnye tak banyak progress sangat. His frequently pronounced sounds are aaaaa, mammamamma, and he can say "hai!" and "bye" fairly clearly
-dia dah pandai ada tune lagu. Paling obvious bila ada barang jatuh and we say "ah-haa tak tau siapa buat?" he will say "aa-aa a-a-a aaaaa.." in that sing song voice. Also bila nyanyi lagu Minion yang Banana tu, dia pandai jerit at certain part yang minion tu jerit. Hihi..
- but sounds like tatata, bababa, eeee, etc belom ada..
-my suspect is that maybe the hearing aids don't amplify certain sounds in the best way. We're currently in the process of taking audio tests to get full results. Will post about this later.

That's my baby.

Beli kain kat Jakel pon nak sorok-sorok kejar-kejar

Kisses for you

Ni masa favorite uncle dia, Uncle Redha nikah. Masa nikah pon dia sibok nak berkepit ngan Uncle.

Suka memanjat walaupon tak berapa terror lagi

The only way to get him to sit down at a mall: gi toy store and test toys

Nak bebas je kalo kat malls.

Ilyas nak suap Afif air

After about a year of tak berjumpa, dapat jugak bebudak ni jumpa masa makan-makan kat rumah Kak Yulie.

From left: Adam anak As, Ilyas anak Chuna, Aisyah anak Shim and Afif anak aku.

Hide and seek. 

Routine

Today is the 14th day of being a SAHM. The experience? Mixed of yayy and grrrr..

i applied for my unpaid leave in the second week of December. Ada sedikit isu sebabnya kitorang bertukar bos. Bos lama takda authority nak sign, bos baru pulak bila aku cari kat opis dia, selalu takda. But i'm so thankful that all my bosses are understanding and supportive. Siap suruh aku cuti setahun terus. Eh? Pastu kene settlekan bayar in advance loan rumah untuk 3 bulan. Perghh nasib baik ada savings. Kalo tak, susah jugak. Maka gedebuk gedebak, 2 days before actual cuti date tu baru all are signed, sealed and submitted to HR. Legaaa..

Selama ni, aku slalu berangan nak brenti keje, jadi SAHM or have small business from home. But seriously, seminggu sebelum start cuti tu, aku banyak termenung. Kat opis i kept thinking "i'm gonna miss my friends. This computer, i'm gonna miss it.." Sambil jalan kat KLCC tu aku fikir "Goshh i won't be able to drink San Francisco for breakfast for a long long time.." Sampai makcik cleaner and makcik kat foodcourt pon aku sedih memikirkan akan rindu. Tak campur lg hal kerja. Accanner kalo nanti tak reti jadi geologist dah?

And then there's this "Crap! i have to depend on hubby for money.." which stresses me out coz i've always been independent. Buy what i want with my own money. Bak kata member aku "Nanti nak beli jagung rebus kat pasar pon mintak ihsan laki.." Haih..

But a mom's gotta do what a mom's gotta do.

Start cuti 2 Januari 2014 tuhari tapi sebab first Jan tu public holiday, kiranya new year lah aku jadi surirumah.

Serious weh. Jadi. Surirumah. Adalah. Lagi. Penat. Daripada. Jadi. Working. Mom.

Rutin Pagi

-Bangon around 9am.

-Golek-golek geletek ngan Afif.

-Turun breakfast.

-Feed Afif sambil dia buat sepah/ suap aku/round dapur

-Mandikan Afif.

-Dia nenen setengah jam.

-Activities: Tatih around the house/tengok kucing/tengok Upin Ipin/tengok Barney/main toys indoor/ sambil stress sebab kenapa ko taknak lepas tangan mama bila berjalan? Sambil dia nangis kenapa mama suka lepaskan tangan suruh aku jalan sendiri?

-Nenen lagi

-Afternoon nap. (sometimes for both of us, sometimes only him while i do my thing to get my sanity)

-Masak Afif's lunch / kalo ada mood, masak for the whole family

Rutin Tengah Hari - Petang

-Lunch 

-Afif bangon

-Activities

-Feed Afif lunch sambil stress sebab dia makan sikit.

-Nenen

-Activities

-Nenen

-Try to get him to nap

-Do chores

-Afternoon walk around the block or playground

-Bathe Afif

Rutin Malam

-Play

-Feed Afif dinner

-Mama dinner

-Get Afif to bed (read: nenen for 2 hours to sleep gahhhh)

-Kemas bilik/lipat kain/panaskan lauk/tunggu Hubby balik.

Ini lah lebih kurang rutin aku.

i'm lucky i live with Wan and Mak Ngah. They cook. Kalau sempat, aku basuh, sidai, lipat baju. On days when Afif is not too clingy, i cook/kemas bilik/vacuum. Gitu lah. Setakat ni sempat 3 hari masak mac n' cheese and pizza. Both from scratch nan hado guna ready made sauce bagai.

Tak dapat aku bayangkan full time housewife ada 3-4 orang anak. Mana nak layan budak, kemas rumah, laundry, masak. Memang gila.

But i'm loving it, actually. This stay at home thing. i just wish i can earn what i earn at the office, being a SAHM.

 Explained why my Instagram is full of Afif.

Officially a Stay at Home Mom

Hope it's not too late to wish ya'll Happy New Year!

i started the year off by doing something entirely new: being a stay at home mom or in short, SAHM. So today was my eighth day of being a full time mom.

Jangan salah paham.. Sebenarnya, bukanlah quit kerja terus. i'm on 3-month unpaid leave. Kenapa?

As i have blogged in this post, Afif has hearing problem. We have been attending speech therapy sessions since December 2013. In the sessions, the therapist, Dr. Basyar emphasized that parents' role in helping the child develop good speech and language skills are very big. She said that there are two scenarios for hearing impaired toddlers like Afif:

Scenario 1: grow up to have good speech and language skills with no/minimal need of sign language. Kids like this will be in the speaking society and can attend public school.

Scenario 2: grow up to have poor/minimal speech and language skills, need to use sign language as mean of communication. Kids in this category belong in the sign language society and will need to attend special school.

Don't get me wrong. i am not against disabled people, further away from discriminating against them. i believe that disabled or not, a person can aim and put effort to be whatever they want to be. But as a parent that belongs to the speaking society, i'd like for Afif to be in the speaking society too. i dream for him to attend pre-school, kindergarten, go to sekolah kebangsaan and menengah and follow his dreams to be what he aims to be in life. For that reason, i will do whatever i must to help him obtain good speech and language skills. So yeah, i aim for scenario 1.

It's easier said than done. Before this, Mr. Chenta and i thought that buying him the hearing aids is sufficient enough. Wrong! Getting him to wear hearing aid in all waking hours is challenging in the first few months. We also have to interact, communicate and let him hear sounds to help him to speak.

Masalahnya, kalau duduk dengan babysitter, i can't monitor his HA usage. Dia suka tanggalkan.. Aku pon kekadang hilang sabar nak pakaikan balik, apatah lagi babysitter yang ada baby lain untuk dijaga. Other than that, we feel that he might not get enough interaction for speech development. Maka dengan itu, aku dengan rela hati amek cuti tanpa gaji.

Ideally, a child needs to be with a parent/guardian full time until he can speak clearly in full sentence "Mama, Afif nak makan pasta". That takes about 3-4 years. Eventually, it's either hubby or i have to quit our job. We'll think about that as we go along.

For now, i'm gonna enjoy being a full-time mama to Afif Haiqal (while figuring out the next step..)