Introduction

Assalammua'laikum and Hello!

This blog is dedicated to our firstborn son, Afif Haiqal.

Afif was born on a bright Wednesday morning (on 11th October 2012 to be exact) via Ceasarean section after a dramatic false alarm. He entered this world screaming and ready to pounce.

On his third day on Earth, he failed his newborn hearing test. We were told not to worry as it is normal for C-sect babies to fail his/her newborn hearing test as the amniotic fluid tend to still be in his/her ears and nose long after birth. The ears will be ok after a few months, they said. So we did not think much about it.

At around one month old, he failed the test again.

And again.

And again..

We came back for a few more test. ABR, sedated ABR, tympanometry..

All tests and check-ups bore the same result; our son has moderate to severe hearing loss.

As parents with normal hearing with no family history of anyone being born deaf, we were taken aback.
Puzzled.
Confused.
Sad.
Mad.

Why is this happening to our perfect baby?

Why our baby?

We were in denial.

He babbles and coo a lot. He talked back when we talk to him. He CAN NOT be deaf.

We went months trying to prove the test results wrong.

We went to seek second opinion at another hospital.

Still the same result. Afif has moderate-severe hearing loss.

And we can't prove the test results wrong either.

He would not respond to me calling him from behind. He would not flinch at the sound of thunder.

Though hard, we finally accepted that our son is hearing impaired.

Not deaf, just hard of hearing.

At 9 months, he got his hearing aids.

And thankfully (Alhamdulillah) he began to show hearing behavior.

That's why this blog exist.

This blog is dedicated to Afif Haiqal. So that one day he'll be able to re-live the journey, know the effort, the path we chose, the things that we do for him, with him.

So that he knows, he is perfect in his imperfection.

i also hope this blog will be a companion for parents of deaf or hard of hearing children. All the wikis and medical websites can give you information, but i find that reading other parents' experience more of a help. i hope this blog is good enough to be a reference for you.

Please know that you're not alone.

Our children will be okay.

New Friend

The past week has been a bit of emotional whirlwind for me.

Having blessed with a hearing impaired child, i'm never at ease. Most days are fine. Some days i'm in despair, panic attack, guilt.. i worry a lot. i have so many questions.

When will Afif talk?
What if Afif can't talk?
Will his future be okay?
Can he make friends?
Can he go to normal school?

More questions than i (or even his therapist) could answer.

The hardest thing is not having or knowing anyone else that have the same experience.

i missed Afif's last speech therapy because i had to present in a meeting. i never missed it and God did i feel guilty. Mr. Chenta took him for therapy and he is amazing but you know it's different when you are not there.

Because i'm such a control freak, i emailed his therapist. i can't rest not getting information first hand. Asking this and that. i hope she doesn't find me too bossy and nosey. My prayer has been answered when she gave me a contact number of a mom with a hearing impaired daughter.

It's just what i need.

Someone who was there, went through what i go through.
Someone who can share what she did. How she did it.
Someone who understands.

We got in touch recently. Alhamdulillah for this new friend.

She said it ain't easy.
She took time off work in the critical years.
She went for seminars/talks/classes. She sent the daughter (who was 2-4 years at that time) to music class, writing class, and various therapies.
She put of having another baby until the daughter is 6 years old.
But now, she said, it's worth it. The daughter is 7 years old and speaking and hearing well.

i'm so amazed at her effort.
i never thought of music class nor writing class for Afif (for God's sake, he's not even 2!)
i never went for talks/seminars/playgroup. Not because i don't want to, because i couldn't find one.
Though i wanted to go someplace else for therapy, i never made the move.

This new info is both a relief and a curse.
Because i feel like i'm not doing enough for my son.

Oh well.
What the use of dwelling.
Now that i know, i'll do a better job.

Must. Find. Music. Class. ASAP.
Must. Find. A. Talk/Seminar. ASAP.

Toddler Activity: Bathroom Painting

Ok so Afif loves the iPad. i came to realize that after two mornings of him getting up and out of bed and point the iPad at me. Now before you bash me, don't worry. It's not an addiction yet. Setakat ni tak pernah la lagi dia mengamuk tantrum kalo tak dapat. Phew phew..

But yaa.. Of course we have to plan stuff for him to vary his activities. Mainan banyak tapi kejap-kejap main dia bosan. Dia suka main air, aku layan la jugak kat toilet tapi susah sebab takot basah hearing aid dia. Main hide and seek pon layan. Dia layan gak crayon, pencil color and magic color tapi lelama dia ada idea conteng dinding plak (-____-) so i minimize his contact with those.

i got him this Crayola Washable Kids' Paint a few weeks ago. The first time we painted was one rainy day after he got up from his afternoon nap. Kononnya fun activity. Tapi time tu dia cranky, dia conteng sekali dua je pastu marah aku cat tapak tangan dia pastu we wrap up. So much for being artsy.

The supplies for painting activities.

 End product

Cranky kene paksa melukis

Then yesterday i had this bright idea of combining his favorite place, the toilet, and some art stuff. Maka terjadi lah bathroom painting!

Bangon pagi dan brekpes, i stripped him down. Ingatkan nak mandi la tuh. He got excited pon seeing the paint i laid on the stool in the bathroom. Then i started painting the house and tree, he followed suit. But of course, no house, tree or even stick figures from him yet. Conteng-conteng ikot suka je.

Muka puas hati main conteng-conteng

Our masterpiece.

He was so happy experimenting siap cover toilet bowl pon dia conteng. i think this activity is good to train our baby's motor skill and also to teach them colors. i even mix a few colors together to create a new color for example blue+yellow=green!

The best part is this Crayola Paint is totally washable. After our painting session, simbah air kat dinding tiles tu and gosok sikit-sikit pakai tangan je terus hilang color tu. No mess for lazy moms like me.

p/s: malam tu dia amek pencil color dan conteng dinding rumah while i was busy in the kitchen. Laki aku gelak je "siapa suruh ajar conteng toilet?" katanya. Haihhh..

18 Months

My baby is one year and a half already.

Hari Rabu haritu bawak dia gi 18 months doctor's appointment. Alhamdulillah berat dah 9.4kg (a bit on the low side), tinggi dah 78cm. Head circumference aku lupa brapa. Dr. Anthony kata semua ok and Afif ni friendly and social btol. Hehe. 

Pastu kene cucuk DPTa. Dia bagaikan dah tau nasib nak kene cucuk, takmo baring atas katil doktor. Cucuk smbil dukung je. Nasib baik nanges kejap. Pasni dokter kata takde kene cucuk dah smpai la masuk skolah nanti unless nak amek optional Hepatitis A jabs masa umur 2 tahun. 

Meh bebel pasal milestone:

Feeding

-dah kurang memilih. Apa aku bagi dia telan je. Yayyy!

-babysitter kasi makan 2 kali kat umah dia: pagi n petang. So malam aku akan kasi jugak makan

-kalo ada lauk baby-friendly kat umah like masak kicap or sup ayam/sayur/ikan, aku bg je lauk tu dgn nasik. Kalo tak, aku masakkan porridge/sup/pasta/mi goreng.

-his current favorite is fried carrot noodle with tomato n salmon. Laju dan licin. Wan pon suka. 

-since aku masuk kerja ni, aku still pam kat office. Tp ebm tak cukup jugak utk bekal kat umah babysitter. So campur ngan FM. At times dia mmg reject FM. Babysitter akan ganti ngan Ribena or susu kotak Dutch Lady coklat.

Development

-berjalan nak laju aje tapi clumsy. Kadang tu laju sangat smpai tak sempat brake/lose balance pastu jatuh. Aku stress btol kalo jatuh n kepala benjol. Tapi lantak la asalkan tak mudarat.

-loves to sing and dance. Paling dia nyanyi n joget is twinkle twinkle little star, wheels on the bus and theme song Timmy Time. Suka tengok dia joget kat Timmy Time theme song.

-dia ni makin friendly plak aku tengok. Kalo mood baik tu jalan kat mall semua orang di lambai nya siap kata "haiii.." Dia ingat dia Prince George ke ape. Pastu suka jugak salam random people magadddd! 

-thankfully, bila strangers mcm sales girl or waitress panggil or nak dukung, dia taknak, siap nanges. 

Activities and hobby

-dah kurang obsess ngan iPad, alhamdulillah

-dia suka build tower block, sepak-sepak bola, main air (pantang tengok pintu toilet bukak, laju je masuk. Aku takleh lalai kene make sure pintu toilet tutup at all time), menconteng (takleh kasi magic color dah sebab nampak dia nak conteng sofa and dinding aritu)..

-suka pusing and spinning sampai pening huyung-hayang

-current fave dia adalah main hide and seek ngan aku. Bukan nyorok betol pon. Nyorok blakang dinding/pintu/kerusi bajet orang tak nampak. Baahaha. Suka betol dia smpai malam pon gigih kami nyorok nyorok.

-his current fave shows are Timmy Time, Tayo the Bus, Mickey Mouse Club House and Tom & Jerry. Kalo ada cerita2 ni memang kusyuk la the first 5 minit depan tv. Pastu sibok la cari remote tukar channel.

Hearing & Speech

-Hmm.. sebenarnye tak banyak progress sangat. His frequently pronounced sounds are aaaaa, mammamamma, and he can say "hai!" and "bye" fairly clearly
-dia dah pandai ada tune lagu. Paling obvious bila ada barang jatuh and we say "ah-haa tak tau siapa buat?" he will say "aa-aa a-a-a aaaaa.." in that sing song voice. Also bila nyanyi lagu Minion yang Banana tu, dia pandai jerit at certain part yang minion tu jerit. Hihi..
- but sounds like tatata, bababa, eeee, etc belom ada..
-my suspect is that maybe the hearing aids don't amplify certain sounds in the best way. We're currently in the process of taking audio tests to get full results. Will post about this later.

That's my baby.

Beli kain kat Jakel pon nak sorok-sorok kejar-kejar

Kisses for you

Ni masa favorite uncle dia, Uncle Redha nikah. Masa nikah pon dia sibok nak berkepit ngan Uncle.

Suka memanjat walaupon tak berapa terror lagi

The only way to get him to sit down at a mall: gi toy store and test toys

Nak bebas je kalo kat malls.

Ilyas nak suap Afif air

After about a year of tak berjumpa, dapat jugak bebudak ni jumpa masa makan-makan kat rumah Kak Yulie.

From left: Adam anak As, Ilyas anak Chuna, Aisyah anak Shim and Afif anak aku.

Hide and seek. 

At 15 Month

Dah lama tak buat post Afif's milestone. Moh kite..

Feeding

-Kalo nasik or porridge memang susah betol nak makan. Macam-macam style aku buat dah. Tumis pakai butter or olive oil. Letak telur or letak cheese. Vege and protein pon aku tukar-tukar nak test mana dia nak; broccoli, carrot, pumpkin, spinach.. Chicken or salmon. Tak kisah la apa pon cara, still dia takmo. Aku conclude dia memang kureng suka nasik.

-Makan nasik lauk kurma suka pulak.

-Tapi kalo pasta amboih laju je makan. Selalunya licin mangkuk. Yang paling dia suka tomato-based sauce. Aku memang buat sendiri pasta sauce tu sebabnya yg ready made tu buat pakai cuka. Takot perot dia sensitip pulak. Pasta plak pakai alphabet pasta. Senang kecik-kecik takyah nak potong bagai.

-Dia suka makan fruits. Betik, tembikai, melon, limau mandarin.. Kalo brekfes tu kadang aku malas aku bagi je dia avocado-banana mash. Memang laju je habis.

-Snacks lain yang dia suka adalah Cheerios cereal and organic apple puff ape ntah brand tu aku beli kat Manjaku. Roti cicah air cekelat pon feveret.

-Ni sejak aku kat rumah memang memanjang dia bergayut nak breastfeed. Every hour. Tak dapat monitor brapa oz sebenarnya. So happy i can fully direct breastfeed him. Takyah risau susu dipam cukup ke tak hari-hari.

 Alphabet pasta with homemade chicken bolognese sauce. His current favorite.

Development

-At 15 month dia belom boleh jalan sendiri okeh. Pening gak aku sebabnya dah 3 bulan bertatih ni. Bila lepas tangan, dia jalan 4-5 steps pastu jatuhkan badan. Macam dia gayat je nak bediri/jalan lelama. Kadang kalo dia berdiri and rasa aku lepaskan tangan, cecepat dia duduk. Takpe, i know it'll be soon. I'll enjoy these days that you love holding my hands so much.
-Skill lain dah boleh salam and cium tangan orang. Wave hands and flying kiss. High five. Suap makanan sendiri guna sudu even though clumsy lagi. Dah tau konsep bukak/tutup lampu, fridge, penutup teko (he's obsessed with teapot). Geleng kepala bila takmo. Clap hands. Dance to songs.
-Tunjuk kat mata bila ditanya mana mata.. Ketap-ketap gigi bila ditanya mana gigi. Bila nampak patung Barney, dia tunjuk mata Barney pastu tunjuk mata dia. Matching skill is there.

Teman mama dedi lepak kat mapley.

 You're just like an angel. Your skin makes me cry.

Activities and Hobbies

-Hobi dia apa lagi kalo bukan iPad. Kalo nmpak iPad tu tu shriek sambil tangan joget-joget. Memang pantang la dgn aku. Sehari aku limitkan boleh 2 sessions je tu pon 10 minutes. Nasib baik kat iPad dia reti unlock, tengok videos and tolak-tolak page apps tu je. Tak ajar main game.
-Sekarang dia suka menyanyi. Ada satu lagu dalam Barney ni Chugga-chug dia suka betul. Everytime dia nyanyi (bukan ada tune pon. Aaa-aa-aaa camtu) sambil menari cam Barney, kitorang tau la dia tgh nyanyi lagu tu. Haha
-Suka jugak main passing-passing bola back and forth ngan aku or Hubby. Excited nak tangkap bola  everytime kitorang pass kat dia. Pastu baling bola tu bawah lemari suruh orang amek (-____-)
-Suka campak barang atas lantai. Yang ni aku penat btol nak layan tapi layan kan aje. Everytime dia campak, aku akan buat muka terkejut and cakap "Hahhhh! Susu/mangkok/kalkulator/bola jatuh! Siapa jatuhkan? Afif ke? Pegi amek.." Memang idok ler dia amek.
-Dah pandai main Mega Bloks. Idok ler sampai built gajah/spaceship bagai.. Dia dah tau konsep sambungkan blocks. Sambungkan, pastu cabut. Gitu je ler..
-Obsess dengan kucing. Seboleh boleh dikejarnya kucing.
-Haritu kat Langkawi bawak dia gi beach. Nak ajar main pasir kononnya. Tapi dia geli. Diangkat nya kaki pastu suh aku dukung. Sabar je la.

 Tiger and cat.

Upin Ipin's biggest fan. 

Kecewa sebab mama suruh main masak-masak ngan Barney. i wanna play ball ma!

(in my defense, the speech therapist suggest role play to enhance speech and language development)

 Mama's mall buddy.

Hearing & Speech

-Alhamdulillah sejak aku amek cuti ni, nampak banyak improvement. Paling penting dia suka pakai HA dia. Dulu suka cabut. Skarang memang bila dipakaikan, sampai aku tanggalkan baru cabut. Alhamdulillah.

-Kalo aku lupa pakaikan, dia tunjuk kat hearing aid tu. Pernah skali ni aku sengaja tak pakaikan sambil bg dia tengok Upin Ipin. Pastu dia raba telinga dia sambil pandang aku. i take as a sign that he's asking for it.

-Lagi banyak membebel dan menyanyi. Dulu kureng.

-Tapi bunyi yang dia keluarkan still limited to aaaa, maaa, mammm, abumm.. Still no na, ta, da.. It's okay. We'll get there. Tak sabar gi next speech therapy nak belajar how to teach him to produce sounds.

Routine

Today is the 14th day of being a SAHM. The experience? Mixed of yayy and grrrr..

i applied for my unpaid leave in the second week of December. Ada sedikit isu sebabnya kitorang bertukar bos. Bos lama takda authority nak sign, bos baru pulak bila aku cari kat opis dia, selalu takda. But i'm so thankful that all my bosses are understanding and supportive. Siap suruh aku cuti setahun terus. Eh? Pastu kene settlekan bayar in advance loan rumah untuk 3 bulan. Perghh nasib baik ada savings. Kalo tak, susah jugak. Maka gedebuk gedebak, 2 days before actual cuti date tu baru all are signed, sealed and submitted to HR. Legaaa..

Selama ni, aku slalu berangan nak brenti keje, jadi SAHM or have small business from home. But seriously, seminggu sebelum start cuti tu, aku banyak termenung. Kat opis i kept thinking "i'm gonna miss my friends. This computer, i'm gonna miss it.." Sambil jalan kat KLCC tu aku fikir "Goshh i won't be able to drink San Francisco for breakfast for a long long time.." Sampai makcik cleaner and makcik kat foodcourt pon aku sedih memikirkan akan rindu. Tak campur lg hal kerja. Accanner kalo nanti tak reti jadi geologist dah?

And then there's this "Crap! i have to depend on hubby for money.." which stresses me out coz i've always been independent. Buy what i want with my own money. Bak kata member aku "Nanti nak beli jagung rebus kat pasar pon mintak ihsan laki.." Haih..

But a mom's gotta do what a mom's gotta do.

Start cuti 2 Januari 2014 tuhari tapi sebab first Jan tu public holiday, kiranya new year lah aku jadi surirumah.

Serious weh. Jadi. Surirumah. Adalah. Lagi. Penat. Daripada. Jadi. Working. Mom.

Rutin Pagi

-Bangon around 9am.

-Golek-golek geletek ngan Afif.

-Turun breakfast.

-Feed Afif sambil dia buat sepah/ suap aku/round dapur

-Mandikan Afif.

-Dia nenen setengah jam.

-Activities: Tatih around the house/tengok kucing/tengok Upin Ipin/tengok Barney/main toys indoor/ sambil stress sebab kenapa ko taknak lepas tangan mama bila berjalan? Sambil dia nangis kenapa mama suka lepaskan tangan suruh aku jalan sendiri?

-Nenen lagi

-Afternoon nap. (sometimes for both of us, sometimes only him while i do my thing to get my sanity)

-Masak Afif's lunch / kalo ada mood, masak for the whole family

Rutin Tengah Hari - Petang

-Lunch 

-Afif bangon

-Activities

-Feed Afif lunch sambil stress sebab dia makan sikit.

-Nenen

-Activities

-Nenen

-Try to get him to nap

-Do chores

-Afternoon walk around the block or playground

-Bathe Afif

Rutin Malam

-Play

-Feed Afif dinner

-Mama dinner

-Get Afif to bed (read: nenen for 2 hours to sleep gahhhh)

-Kemas bilik/lipat kain/panaskan lauk/tunggu Hubby balik.

Ini lah lebih kurang rutin aku.

i'm lucky i live with Wan and Mak Ngah. They cook. Kalau sempat, aku basuh, sidai, lipat baju. On days when Afif is not too clingy, i cook/kemas bilik/vacuum. Gitu lah. Setakat ni sempat 3 hari masak mac n' cheese and pizza. Both from scratch nan hado guna ready made sauce bagai.

Tak dapat aku bayangkan full time housewife ada 3-4 orang anak. Mana nak layan budak, kemas rumah, laundry, masak. Memang gila.

But i'm loving it, actually. This stay at home thing. i just wish i can earn what i earn at the office, being a SAHM.

 Explained why my Instagram is full of Afif.

Officially a Stay at Home Mom

Hope it's not too late to wish ya'll Happy New Year!

i started the year off by doing something entirely new: being a stay at home mom or in short, SAHM. So today was my eighth day of being a full time mom.

Jangan salah paham.. Sebenarnya, bukanlah quit kerja terus. i'm on 3-month unpaid leave. Kenapa?

As i have blogged in this post, Afif has hearing problem. We have been attending speech therapy sessions since December 2013. In the sessions, the therapist, Dr. Basyar emphasized that parents' role in helping the child develop good speech and language skills are very big. She said that there are two scenarios for hearing impaired toddlers like Afif:

Scenario 1: grow up to have good speech and language skills with no/minimal need of sign language. Kids like this will be in the speaking society and can attend public school.

Scenario 2: grow up to have poor/minimal speech and language skills, need to use sign language as mean of communication. Kids in this category belong in the sign language society and will need to attend special school.

Don't get me wrong. i am not against disabled people, further away from discriminating against them. i believe that disabled or not, a person can aim and put effort to be whatever they want to be. But as a parent that belongs to the speaking society, i'd like for Afif to be in the speaking society too. i dream for him to attend pre-school, kindergarten, go to sekolah kebangsaan and menengah and follow his dreams to be what he aims to be in life. For that reason, i will do whatever i must to help him obtain good speech and language skills. So yeah, i aim for scenario 1.

It's easier said than done. Before this, Mr. Chenta and i thought that buying him the hearing aids is sufficient enough. Wrong! Getting him to wear hearing aid in all waking hours is challenging in the first few months. We also have to interact, communicate and let him hear sounds to help him to speak.

Masalahnya, kalau duduk dengan babysitter, i can't monitor his HA usage. Dia suka tanggalkan.. Aku pon kekadang hilang sabar nak pakaikan balik, apatah lagi babysitter yang ada baby lain untuk dijaga. Other than that, we feel that he might not get enough interaction for speech development. Maka dengan itu, aku dengan rela hati amek cuti tanpa gaji.

Ideally, a child needs to be with a parent/guardian full time until he can speak clearly in full sentence "Mama, Afif nak makan pasta". That takes about 3-4 years. Eventually, it's either hubby or i have to quit our job. We'll think about that as we go along.

For now, i'm gonna enjoy being a full-time mama to Afif Haiqal (while figuring out the next step..)